I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
