So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize