Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
