They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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