yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
