She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
As shirtless as possible
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
