hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
