I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
