More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
