I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fill condoms, not promises.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
