did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
