Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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