ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
