my vag is so smooth its legendary
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
