If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
