Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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