i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We need to rekindle our bromance
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
