i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
