New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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