Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
