i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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