What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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