this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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