FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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