I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
