this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
