having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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