whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You're like the curious george of whores
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
