My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
