is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
