Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
