I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
