I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
