I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
