I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
