New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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