They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
