I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
