I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
