Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
