I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
