True but thats because hes a fetus.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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