we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
