just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
