I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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