watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
