Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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