thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
