Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
