I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
