Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
