Are we in a gay sports bar?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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