All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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