Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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