Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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