Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
