Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
