No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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